Dear bestie
I wonder how time has flown by, leaving us all grown up with our wings out and the tiny cracked eggs which we do not fit in anymore.
Dear bestie,
I miss you. Lately, I have been missing you a lot.
I miss the 19 y.o. you a little more today. That’s when we became the closest. Closer than we ever were likely. Because of no time constraints, and a lot of supporting events coming together to support the blooming of an ever-so-caring and ever-exciting friendship that has healed a part of me in many ways. I know you’re just a call away, a text away. We are twenty-five now. We met when we were eighteen at the time. And it has been eight years that we know each other. Eight! Eight years of me still wanting to call you, to talk to you, being able to open up, and still feeling the same comfort wrapped in printed socks, ‘masaa-dhupa’, and your speaker!
Recently when I visited you, we both realised how much of an avoidant I am and how much of an anxious crank you are. Total opposites. Yet still fond of who we are as individuals and proud of what we are becoming. Growing up I have always had an issue with holding my friends’ hands or hugging them (except for three of my school best friends of course). Also, geeli puchis! I am always seen to be wiping my face whenever you leave little sloppy kisses on my cheek, quickly followed by my squinted face and frowns on the forehead. But you bear it all with a smile on your face beaming with the unwavering love, waving me goodbye as I head back home in the car (although I have enjoyed our ‘3-idiots’ moments twice, with uncle and your brother, honey, on a two wheeler rushing to reach the station on time). After all, the universe always saves your most favourite humans on the long distance card. This, I presume, is our modern version of being pen-friends. More the distance, more the idealisation…
…Well if idealization is the case, then so be it. How fortunate it is to feel and cherish when we have ample amount of space to romanticise our friendship. From the lockdown and covid days, to us going for our colleges, to you going for your masters and now you are in a different city with a new job. Eons of patience with each other and eons of endless conversations. Through multiple phases, multiple changes and multiple missed moments of reassurance and comfort. Moments where I have been on my absolute ‘bad-bestie-behaviour’ to moments when your ever-forgiving heart has accepted me, with no ounce of love dropping from the actual scale. Moments where you have squeezed your spleens out and stretched your liver to lengths to understand me. Moments when I have tried to shut down or run away from the hard conversations, when I have complained about such small matters and your eldest child syndrome has made peace with my single child behaviour every single time.
They say people whose love language is physical touch are usually avoidants. While that might be true, I believe my hands and my arms are always open for my pramoose. I always cling to you like a koala bear, demanding my right for ‘gelhas’, jhappis and cuddles. I know, I always have to hold your hand or make sure my knees are touching yours while sitting or my legs have to be placed on your legs when we are chilling on the bed. I know, it sometimes annoys you or maybe not. But, it is what it is! I am sorry, this is who you signed up for! You are stuck with me for ‘pachaas saal’ till we die and ‘dal chawal’ afternoons for life (YJHD reference by the way). Although I am only waiting for the day when your daughter and I are sitting for lunch and you will not think twice before squeezing six to seven green and red chillies into the dal, coining a new ‘jolo dal’ of some sort.
Speaking of red chillies, I occasionally ask Siri to play Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Paper Kites, Sufjan Stevens, Astrid S, When Chai Met Toast, The Local Train, and myriads of other artists we used to listen to. You were probably the only friend I have enjoyed sharing music with and the only friend I still enjoy sharing it with (*smiles*). I sometimes miss our Google Duo video chats and our little video previews of each other before picking up. I miss how we would warn each other right after picking up the call and cuss our heart away once we enter the safe zone (no family zone). I usually do not like cussing but it is only you who has made me feel comfortable doing so for all these years.
“Kya jaldi-jaldi bade ho gaye naa hum..."—Aditi, YJHD(2013). You are truly Aditi to my Naina. Now that you have mentioned marriage, I cannot imagine otherwise. Free spirited, rebellious, the punk girl, the one who can slay a bandana in both grunge and ‘desi nose-pin’ with a saree, the one with the puns on the tip of her ‘butt-tongue’, the coolest girl on the block, open-minded with the softest core, an understanding conscience, a ten-on-ten hearty listener, responsible mamacita and always leaving little pecks on the back of our hands during our goodbyes. Wavy head with some acne cream on the face. Absolutely lethal eyes with longer lashes and can rock any outfit at any given time of the day. But given a chance, you will preferably roam around anywhere in the world with that turquoise tank top, bra straps out and shorts. If you had a logo, it would be a skull with those angel wings. I know your favourite color has always been white, and now that it is yellow, I realize that you’ve truly been a personification of the color yellow all along.
I cried today, wondering how time has flown by, leaving us all grown with our wings spread wide, no longer fitting into the tiny cracked eggs we once called home. The shells do not cover our teenage insecurities, low self-esteem issues, carefree nature, recklessness, shame around our bodies, face acne, small tits, big tits, coffee jitters, hunger growls, thin arms, thick arms, body hair or no body hair, unibrow, jawline or no jawline, stretch marks, tummy rolls, fat on the waist or hips, social anxiety, self-abandonment, and the countless self-doubts that we carried for a very long time, because now it’s time to take the leap.
Before you go ahead and take that wedding vow, I have a list of vows that I need to make to seal our friendship (I hope this encourages more friendship marriages in the future…because why not?).
I promise that I will always try to pick up your video call whenever you need me.
I promise that I will always travel for those five hours to be with you when you have heartbreak.
I promise to be patient with your distracted ADHD brain and the multiple ‘zoning-outs'.
I promise to get you more cookies and cream next time and extra magnums (because Joey does not share food!).
I promise to hand you over another set of metal band hoodies even if you don’t wear and post them for once! (*side eye*)
I promise to send that handmade crochet top for you which you requested a long time ago.
I promise to make your bachelorette memorable and the most chill (because you are an actual sloth).
I promise to be your best MUA and face-shaving-lady before any major occasion.
I promise to always motivate you and remind you of your true potential and purpose whenever you feel low on confidence.
I promise to continue supporting you in all the endeavours of your life, in sickness and in health.
I promise to be there with you through the thick and thin.
With the blessings of our parents and the universe, I now take thee as my forever best friend. We shall now hug the grief out of our lungs and time to live up to our teenage dreams!
Happily ever after :)
Yours,
Barsh